Fresh Start...What What

For the past year and a half, I feel like I haven't quite been myself. I know that's a pretty big statement to make, but I think that it's true to some degree. And I just kind of had this epiphany tonight while I was reading the newspaper in the bathroom. Glamorous, huh? Anyway, I think that somewhere in the awful year that was 2004 an important part of myself got lost. Maybe I lost it. I'm just sitting on the john reading tonight and I come across this article. It's about this 21 year-old guy named Josh who has a blog not unlike this one. However, about 5,000 people visit his blog daily. The whole crux of the blog is that people want to know what Josh thinks is "cool" or "hip" or "trendy". And as I'm reading this article, a multitude of thoughts are going through my head. Thoughts like, "How does someone like Josh get all that attention...not to mention business?" or "Why should this guy be the only one who is making a killing at such a young age?" or "Why can't I come up with an idea that big?" Upon turning inward, I found that I lost the part of me that is driven. It's the part of me that "does" without someone telling him to. It's the same part of me that allowed me to 1) Learn HTML and start a website when I was 13. 2) Educate myself about MIDI and write songs when I was 13. 3) Join my high school's Speech Team at age 15. And the list goes on. Essentially, I'm wondering why I'm not driven to do things that are borderline outlandish. Things no one tells me I "ought" to do, but I do them anyway. This must be the first thing I accomplish upon moving to Illinois State--I must reawaken this part of me by becoming so assertive that I even surprise myself. I'm going to seek out professors. I'm going to purposefully seek out friends. I'm going to see to it that I keep busy with things that are my own. Things beyond classes, homework, and the whole "stuff they make you do" area. I want to make a name for myself on campus. I don't care that ISU is huge. I want a rep. I will pry, pound, and pull to get what I want. I chose ISU in part because I wanted a fresh start. And I intend to have the best start anyone has ever seen.