Somebody Kill Me, Please

I am sitting in my Writing class right now. Normally, I love writing. It is truly one of my favorite things to do....But I loathe this class! I CANNOT STAND IT. It makes me want to break things every Tuesday and Thursday when I have to attend. The professor is unintelligent and borderline senile. Seriously, I hate this class. Please someone rescue me from this 75-minute prison! I would rather have one of my fingernails ripped out with a pair of pliers than have to endure this class for 15 weeks. Honestly. If I found out tomorrow that ISU was giving course credit for ripping out students' fingernails, I'd be like "Where do I sign up?"

I feel like I want to punch a baby.

2 minutes until freedom........................1 minute..................Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

Here We Go....

Okay, my fellow free-thinkers, read this article.

Campus politics through the eyes of faith

by Jacob A. Hogan
SojoMail 6-02-2005

This past year was my first as a college student at Indiana Wesleyan University in Marion, Indiana. I chose the school because of its commitment to Christian learning and academic freedom. As 2004 was an election year and I was a political science major, I was eager to "be a world-changer" (a mantra of the school) and get involved in the presidential election. I put up a Kerry-Edwards sign in my window and a sticker on my door, and faithfully wore my John Kerry pin on the lapel of my coat every day. I then sought out the local College Democrats to help them in their efforts. I thought that a school as big as IWU was bound to have such an organization.

That's when I was surprised to find out that IWU did not have a group for Democrats. About the same time, I began to have propaganda slid under my door that insulted my beliefs and criticized my faith. After hanging up my "God is not a Republican or a Democrat" poster, someone told me that such a poster is foolish. He said, "How can you say God's not a Republican when it's so clear that he is?"

This all came as a shock to me. I had no idea that a Christian had to be of a certain political persuasion. I quickly learned. I had discussions with people who, when they found out my affiliations, questioned my morals, my intelligence, and my allegiance to Christ.

I found I was not alone, however, and a group of Democrats on campus began to meet to draw up a constitution for our own College Democrats. We promptly submitted our constitution to the school for approval. It was denied because such a group - because of the Democratic Party platform - would be "in conflict with the school's community values code."

About the same time, another group of students on campus began to organize a club for Libertarians. They were met with as much resistance as the Democrats were. According to the Student Development office, which is in charge of approving new clubs, the Libertarian platform was "a little loose on some things."

After four months of negotiating (that's right, four months), however, we got our constitution for the Democrats approved, and the Libertarians are on their way to getting theirs accepted, too. This is not the base of the problem, though. This isn't as simple as a presidential election or getting a club approved. This is an issue of people of faith thinking for themselves instead of letting someone do it for them.

It's not that Christians who are conservative can't think for themselves, or even that they are all wrong. There are several political issues where I find the conservative view to be most biblical. The problem is that many conservative Christians feel they don't have a choice. That's sure how it seems at Indiana Wesleyan. A lot of Christians think that there are only a few important issues in the political realm. Faith does not just intersect politics at issues such as abortion or gay rights; Christian faith applies in every issue, from feeding the poor to preserving the environment to deficit spending, and yes, even war.

The outlook isn't all bad for the Christian community, though. At at class called "News and Views Through the Eyes of Faith," IWU students meet weekly to discuss various hot-button political issues and how they apply to our Christian faith. In these class meetings there is discussion, argument, learning, and most of all, people thinking on their own and not being afraid to say that they disagree. Students in this class draw their own conclusions, which vary across the political spectrum. Most of all, students in this class agree to disagree. This diversity in viewpoints is what political thought is all about.

Christianity in America is still very political, but things are starting to change. The faculty members at my school are varied in their political inclinations and frequently debate politics with students and other staff. Christian students here and around the nation are getting active in politics on all sides of the issues. There's still a long way to go, as illustrated by the battle for a Democrat or Libertarian club at Indiana Wesleyan, but the situation is looking up. Only through frank debate and standing up to the status quo can Christians challenge the conventions of political Christianity. Sometimes it takes a four-month battle, sometimes just a good conversation, but with perseverance, we can be real world-changers and help infuse our political ideas, from the far left to the far right, with our faith in a way others can understand and respect.

This is absolutely ridiculous. This article hits the nail right on the head. Christians actually think that they have NO CHOICE except to be conservative. We must stop people from doing our thinking for us. And blatantly partisan universities need to be more open-minded on both sides of the political spectrum.

I feel like a muted voice in an era when Republicans control the White House, The House of Representatives, and The Senate. Of course, this is an election year, so things are looking up. Additionally, I admit that some of those aforementioned Republicans are liberal-minded Republicans. But let's face it, since Karl Rove and Gov. Bush turned Texan politics upside-down in the late 1970s through the 1980s, liberal Republicans have been much harder to find.

The Democrats' problem in the 2004 election is that we had such a weak platform. You would ask, "What are Democrats concerned about in 2004?" And some would say one thing, some would say another. It made me crazy. And then Republicans loved to play the "flip-flop" card on us. We are quite possibly in the middle of the most politically polarized era our nation has ever known. That means your party needs to stand for something. We failed that. Oh no, we've finally got me ranting about politics. God help us.

To cool down, I'll let our man Richard Dreyfuss take the helm for a moment.

"Unless you are willing to accept torture as part of a normal American political lexicon, unless you are willing to accept that leaving the Geneva Convention is fine and dandy, if you accept the expansion of wiretapping as business as usual, the only way to express this now is to embrace the difficult and perhaps embarrassing process of impeachment." --Richard Dreyfuss

Thank you, Rich. Those words were shared with an audience in Washington, D.C. on February 16th. Read the article.

And Jim Wallis, a man who has been consulted by past U.S. Presidents and also Tony Blair, has these words for us.

"Clearly, God is not a Republican or a Democrat ... the privatising of faith has weakened its impact on critical public issues and opened the door for a rightwing Christian politics which both narrows and distorts a biblical agenda." --Jim Wallis

I can't stress Jim's cleverness enough. I mean, if we're going to have a president who claims that God is talking to him, well, that's fine. God does speak to people. Where would we be without people like Martin Luther King Jr? His faith was integral to his message. But God also "speaks" to people who commit terrible, horrific acts in the name of Jesus Christ. And I think we tend to look at many of the atrocities committed by our government with an attitude of "Well, it's not that bad." We do this until suddenly we're able to tolerate things like torture, subverting constitutional rights, ignoring the Kyoto Accord, ignoring the Geneva conventions, and the rest of it.

But let's get specific. God has spoken to G-Dubs regarding two very important ideas. The first idea is quite profound. That is that Bush believes that democracy is God's gift to humanity. It is God's vehicle for justice and equality in the world.

"This is my ideal form of government, with which I am well pleased." spake the Lord.

Cool idea. This is an idea I can stomach insofar as democracy seems to promote justice and equality more efficiently than other forms of government. The second thing that God has told G-Money is that the U.S. must invade Iraq in an effort to provide peace to that region. That's a little muddier. Apparently, Jesus was all about militaristic invasions. In my opinion, G-Dubs seems to view God in terms of the Old Testament more than the New Testament. Of course, the Old Testament is still relative to modern believers. However, our relationship to God now is much different than it was for the Israelites. Okay, I need to shut up.

Watch Mr. Show with David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.

MSNBCrap

Seriously, does anyone actually watch MSNBC? Honestly. It's like watching Diet CNN. This raises an interesting question though. How did AOL Time-Warner, General Electric, Westinghouse/CBS, Disney/ABC, etc. link up? In other words, how did these huge corporations with huge television holdings decide to merge with these internet/computer gurus? Time-Warner picked AOL. Well that one is obvious. "$183 billion merger? The biggest merger in history? Let's do it. Then when AOL reports a huge loss 3 years later we'll just drop them from the title. Ready? Break!"

Did you know we're in the middle of a real estate boom? Yeah, it's not a big deal. But hey, it is if you're into real estate. Don't believe me? Consider housing prices in Naperville, IL. See also the East and West Coasts. Are those proper nouns? I don't know. Whatever, I'm capitalizing them.

In other news, the Empire Carpet Guy still hasn't died yet.

Brrreeeport

Brrreeeport. Brrreeeport. Brrreeeport.

If you don't understand why I've typed the nonsense word "brrreeeport", you need to direct your attention to the following blog belonging to Microsoft geek blogger and evangelist, Robert Scoble. This guy has instructed his blog readers to test the usefulness of blog search engines on the internet. To do this, he has asked readers to include the nonsense word "brrreeeport" in their posts. Cool idea. Go ahead and try it! First, go Google "blog search engine". Next, pick a search engine. Then, in the search field, type "brrreeeport". Crazy, huh?

New Religion Is Born, Bugs Fight Terrorism, and "Cheney Got A Gun...Cheney Got A Gun...Everybody's On The Run..."

Dr. Joe Lewis is vice mayor of a small city in Georgia called Tifton. But there's much more to Joe than his political career. Joe studies bugs. He works with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Agriculture Research Service as a behavorial entomologist. Here's a guy who has never truly outgrown his boyhood obsession with finding and sharing gross, upsetting insects to make loved ones squirm. But here's the cool part. Dr. Lewis has learned how to train wasps. He can train them to identify scents and even weaponized chemicals. Could wasps be fighting terrorism in the near future? Check out the article in the Atlanta Magazine.

Could Chase please stop sending me credit cards? Yes, Chase, I know you have over 900 credit cards to make my life a little slice of hell.

Bill O'Reilly, shut your mouth for 3 seconds and let your correspondents SPEAK!

A new religion (3 years old) champions those who lack belief.

"Universism is a new interpretation of religion that elevates the search for meaning and purpose rather than valuing belief for its own sake. Universists arrive at their beliefs through reason and personal experience, and deny the validity of dogmatic faith as a way to understand one's place in the world." --Universist.org

Check out the universism website.

Oh...and Dick Cheney shot someone.

Blogshares

Blogshares: Fantasy Blog Stock Market

Attention, bloggers! Check out this site! Very cool!

Is Bush The Antichrist?......Well, No.

I have decided to devote a large portion of my blog to decrying "The Religious Right". After spending a large portion of the past week educating myself on some recent history, I have found that, damn, I am more left than I thought. That, and I've been listening to David Cross, visiting The BM Rant, and just googling news article after news article--all that basically each time I sit down at my computer this week.

Let's get a few things straight. Despite my disdain for the Religious Right movement, I am not what some would call a "godless atheist". In fact, I am a Christian. Additionally, I am not what some would call a "socialist, commie, pinko, hippie". I am simply an advocate of the Christian Left. To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty moderate, but I'm gradually moving left. And I simply cannot remain passive any longer.

Additionally, I have begun to notice that some of my favorite people in history were liberals. Many of my least favorite people were conservative. I don't count that as coincidence. Some of my favorite authors and such are even supporters of the Christian Left. And you can be sure that the Christian Left has a relatively small market share of Christians as a whole. Well, at least in the Western Hemisphere. Maybe I'd feel more at home in Europe where Christians tend to be more liberal.

To kick things off (the decrying that is), I would like to draw attention to an article that is freakin' great. Of course, there are some really awful things about the article. First of all, it comes from the Seattle Weekly. This is bound to be some incredible journalism right here. Second of all, the article has a terrible title. It's called, "Is Bush The Antichrist?" Ugh. Anyway, check it out. I'll let it speak for me today.

Click here to read the article.

The Christian Left

Awesome. Check this out.

Crossleft.org

Why "Larry The Cable Guy" Isn't Funny At All

My friend and I were flipping through TV channels the other day, desperately looking for some tasty morsel of audiovisual stimulation. We happened upon Comedy Central's "Blue Collar Comedy Tour". Almost immediately, my friend insisted that we must watch this show because "it's hilarious". I objected and began reprobating the show, describing in detail all the reasons why the show is not at all funny. The following is a shortened, edited version of my position. Basically, I took out most of the parts where I'm openly insulting my friend and bitch-slapping him. I'm using "Larry the Cable Guy" as a representation of the show as a whole.

1) "Larry the Cable Guy" Is Fooling You
What Daniel Lawrence Whitney (Larry's real name) wants you to believe is that he is actually a blue-collar, down-home, good-ol' boy just like y'all. He wants everyone to believe that he is the toolbelt-wearing, cut-off-flannel-shirt-donning guy that he appears to be. And the charade works. Ostensibly, I have every reason to believe that this guy is a low-income, "redneck"-style guy shouting "Git-R-Done!" and "Hoooweee!" at the top of his second-hand-smoke-afflicted lungs. However, in reality, he's laughing at you. Not vice versa. A better description of Larry would be a "flannel-shirt-wearing multi-mililonaire who could fart on stage and America would laugh". Larry was born and raised in Nebraska, then moved to Florida when he was 16. That's where that accent comes from?

And I don't begrudge Larry for his money. He has worked for his money, and he deserves whatever people are willing to give him. If someone wants to drop $100 for "Git-R-Done" t-shirts, mugs, and bottle openers, then hey, good for him. I just think it is a misrepresentation of the whole image he's trying to uphold.

In other words, Larry is a lot smarter than he seems.

2) "Larry the Cable Guy" Is Just In The Right Place At The Right Time
Larry epitomizes the sad state that America is in right now. Larry is a "proud-to-be-racist", anti-gay, "God's Country", "salt of the earth", "gee shucks" comedian. The only reason he's in the position he's in is because that's what America likes right now. That is America's mentality right now. Really vague values, and a sense of pride that defies any sense of intellectual thought. It's sad. He's a nod to the "Religious Right" that literally controls about 80% of the votership in this country. He's tipping his hat to all the Tom DeLays, Dr. James Dobsons, Timothy LaHayes, Roy Moores, and Pat Robertsons in America. Let's face it, liberals, we have been backed into a few select corners of the map. Basically, New England, Chicago, Seattle, and Southern Cali. The rest of the country, by and large, is conservative. And Larry plays to this whole demographic that loves to paint with broad strokes.

Now, I'm all for being un-P.C. I hate being politically correct. So hey, Larry, way to be. But Larry's act goes way too far. David Cross' act is un-P.C. Larry's is just blatantly racist. Don't think so? Here's an excerpt from Larry's act.

"The Republicans had a Muslim give the opening prayer at their convention! What the hell's going on around here! Is Muslim now the official religion of the United States!... First these peckerheads ( Ironically, "peckerhead" was a derogatory word slaves and their offspring used to describe white people) fly planes into towers and now theys (sic) prayin' before conventions! People say not all of em did that and I say who gives a rats fat ass! That's a fricken slap in the face to New York city by having some muslim sum-bitch give the invocation at the Republican convention! This country pretty much bans the Christian religion (the religion of George Washington and John Wayne) virtually from anything public and then they got us watchin' this Muslim BS!! Ya wanna pray to Allah then drag yer flea infested ass over to where they pray to Allah at!" End Quote. So... yeah. There you go. This quote goes on and on but my favorite part is when he says toward the end, "...now look, I love all people (except terrorist countries that want to kill us)..."

It's kind of like saying "Dear God, save us from all the Muslims, queers, illegal immigrants, and wealthy Jew bankers. Amen."

I could keep going, but I need to stop. Tell me what you think! Comment!

Silly Robot, Kicks Are For Squids

The guys on my floor are very musical. We have guitar players, djembe players, and even a didgeridoo! However, I'd say the one area in which the guys are lacking is singing. I haven't heard a whole lot of them sing, so I shouldn't be too quick to judge. And if any of my Van Buren 4B guys are reading this, then hey, I'm just calling them like I see them. In any case, I appreciate having suitemates with whom I can jam. Although I have my qualms with those of us who feel the urge to jam at 2:30 in the A.M.

Blogger is driving me crazy. Whenever I post, I like to put one blank line between each paragraph. However, whenever I actually click "Post" and put up a new entry, none of those spaces show up. So, I have to go into the Editor and use my very basic understanding of HTML and RSS and manually tell the computer what to do using script. Every. Stinkin'. Time. Does anyone have any insight about this?

And now, let's relive a famous conversation that is a microcosm for our entire generation.

4-Tay: "No Limit Studios. What's up?"
Prank caller: "Who dis is? Who dis is?"
4-Tay: "This Rappin' 4-Tay. Who is this?"
Prank caller: "Uh, this P."
4-Tay: "P?"
Prank caller: "Yeah, this P."
4-Tay: "P, let me hear you say 'Uhhh!'"
Prank caller: (voice cracks) "Uhhhh!"
4-Tay: "Man, this ain't no mutha-f*ckin' P."

Yes, that's right. That was the opening conversation to the Master P song "Make 'Em Say Uhhh". At this time I would like to add...na, na, na, na...na, na, na, na. That is all.

In other news, did anyone else know that Elliott Smith was dead? Somehow I missed that happening 2.5 years ago. I found out just now. Guess that explains why he hasn't come out with any new albums lately. I really liked his song "Son Of Sam". It is part of my "Mowing The Lawn Mix". A mix that, as you might have guessed, is used when I mow the lawn. I don't like to call it "mowing the lawn" as much as like calling it "getting the yard's ears lowered". Of course, the expression "getting your ears lowered" never really made sense to me. If I get my haircut...wouldn't that make my ears appear higher on my head? Not lower? Maybe I'm overthinking this.

Now, a random poem written by yours truly, Robby Suede Beret.

"Kittens Made Of Play-Doh"

I enjoy leafblowers as much as the next guy
But in the wrong hands
They can be instruments of evil.

iPod, youPod, we all Pod for iPod
What the hell, iRiver?

My english professor despises me
I don't hold it against her
I'm rather despicable
The real question is "Am I "despisable"?

I hope to God that there is never
A Honky-Tonk Bar Association
Because the phrase "honky-tonk"
Is discriminatory toward Tonks.

Teh End.

Robert E. Lee Voted "Most Likely To Secede"

Novelty shirts. The clothing you love to hate. But c'mon, somewhere deep inside the recesses of the bitter moat you call a soul...you think they're hilarious. You buy them solely because you'd give your left arm for someone to stop and read your shirt. Just to get the reaction. And, let's face it, until just recently, tee-shirt makers had all but run out of funny, original quips and graphics. However, novelty shirts are again on the rise. With the advent of such online clothing giants as BustedTees.com and OMGclothing.com, there is an ever-increasing selection of thought-provoking garb that's sure to get a laugh (or get you laughed at).

Of course, some faction of elitists will continue to create their own iron-on designs. By the way, if you know anyone who actually DOES do their own iron-ons, give them a swift kick in the pants for me. Thnaks! Mispelled purposefully. Duh.

Stop giving into those "other" guys like American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, Aeropostale, Americrombie, Eaglefitchstale, and the like. Because they're clearly incapable of producing anything that, you know, "looks good for a not-going-to-have-to-sell-my-kidney price". This spring, make a statement. Wear one.